Following the hardships of eating so lavishly at Christmas, it was felt that a little break was in order. With this in mind, Cath, Huey and I took a trip down to the beach at Melaya in western Bali. We were hosted by the Van’t Hoff family – owners of the Saranbuana Eco Lodge, which is a short, bumpy ride up the mountain from where I am living. Norm Van’t Hoff is currently developing a series of eco-villas on the beach there so we took up the offer to camp nearby and make use of the swimming pool and dining facilities.
Sunset at Melaya with Volcanoes in the distance
The beach at Melaya is about as untouched as I have seen. The black sand stretches for miles along the coast and there is barely a soul to be seen. What is more, the horizon is dominated by the formidable volcanic peaks of Java, making for a postcard perfect sunset. The sea fluctuates erratically between glass-like stillness and waves that while too small to surf, are large enough to give anyone sat on the front end of a small speedboat a seriously bruised backside. I have experience in this matter.
So thus ensued thirty fantastic hours of being dragged around behind a boat on a rubber ring, toasting marshmallows, sipping rum and beer (separately), swimming pool volleyball and nursing any injuries that were acquired along the way. I maintain to this point that the only reason why I was the only one to fall off the aforementioned inflatable doughnut is because I was the only one doing it right.
Smooch time
During our stay, I was fortunate enough to be introduced to the beautiful Lola. I say beautiful on the premise that she is facing whoever might be looking upon her whilst considering that particular description, because Lola is a monkey. She is a very cute monkey indeed. However, she is one of those monkeys with the rather unfortunate trait of having a big shiny bare backside that looks a little like the Elephant Man after a run in with a particularly irate swarm of bees. I’m assuming that everyone has seen the Lion King…. Think Rafiki after enduring a good hard paddling.
It felt rude to take a picture of her arse. There is a slight glimpse here.
Lola has to live in a cage at Melaya as she is a rescued monkey and wouldn’t survive if she were released into the wild. But in less than a month she is going to be relocated back up the mountain to live with a man called Simon. He came to Bali almost a year ago to tutor the Van’t Hoff’s 15 year old son Oska and liked it so much that he has decided to stay. So he is building a bamboo house on the mountain and is going to have Lola as a house mate. I have already suggested that he maybe teach her how to bring him beers from the fridge but he assures me that she will still be kept in a cage.
The Green Mile goes Monkey
"Can you feeeeeeeel.... The POW-ER"
But as with Buddha at Bali Eco Stay, I have fallen in love with Lola. She is just like a little person…. with a really red bum. I must have spent about half an hour sat at the edge of her cage while the poor beast searched in utter futility for some hair on my head amongst which there may be some tasty fleas. She found none, so she tried my beard and eyebrows. This is when I really began to notice the strong smell of urine on her hands. Eventually, she moved down to my legs and had a rummage through there instead, checking my shorts pocket for anything worth nicking.
Thieving git
I have always been a sucker for having my hair (it’s actually more like stubble these days) played with, so it is no surprise that I fell head over heels in love with the little piss-soaked princess. But alas, I can’t have her. She is Simon’s girl, just as Buddha is Cath’s. The search for the love of a good (animal) woman continues.
Lola plays the Engine-ear joke on me.
The Badgerwolf 